Happy Birthday Marco Nicola!

(:.

Happy Birthday.

This year will be great.

This year,

it's time to surprise us again.

Make us gasp.

Make us smile.

Surprise us.

This,

is a great year to make it big.

Can't decide. Can't run. Can't hide.

it's one or the other and i can't ask for more.

liked things better the way they were before.

i know what i should do,

but i'm not strong like the two of you.

i feel sick.with worry? with what?

i'm not sure.

what happens

if sam's wrong?

i don't doubt him.

but i worry.

i can't live without some of my friends.

or can i?

not the one's who helped me live.

i can't push them aside.

but,

did i start it?

i don't think so.

was i a bitch?

yes.

but.

he could have waited.

he should have known

not to start anything.

but i should have known that he would.

i know him so well.

like a part of me?

i didn't say it first.

but it makes sense.

we used to do everything together.

but now.

im not trusted.

but i am?

opinions change so fast.

like raindrop evaporating into the sky.

friendships rising up,

forgotten.

pushed aside.

after a rain drop splatters on the ground,

it flies up to the sun.

evaporated by the heat,

only to coe down again?

i want to come down again.

come down to the ground.

where i belong.

where do i belong?

i've been kicked out.

where does a homeless raindrop go.

i always ignored people who really care about me.

i ignored them for my other friends.

the friends that seem to find it easy to get rid of me.

with no pain for them.

and a mountain for me.

i wish i knew what he was thinking.

i wish i knew what shelby was thinking.

i wish i knew what everyone was thinking.

then i could fix this.

i would know what to say like i used to.

i was once able to keep him from getting mad at me.

but now all i seem to be able to do is get him mad at me.

he says he forgives me.

he says he wants the old me back.

there are lots of people who told me that when i first started hanging out with him.

i didn't care.

i didn't pay attention.

some people i once counted as my friends don't talk to me anymore.

and now he doesn't either.

but i would still never trade the months i was friends with him for things to be like they were a year ago.

i don't know if i trust him.

he doesn't trust me.

what if no one does?

what if i am two faced?

and infantile?

and bitchy?

and what if we're never friends again.

what will i do then?

what would i do then?

my head hurts.

last night i thought it was from caffine deprevation.

i was wrong.

it was him.

my head hurts.

i feel sick.

all i want to do is lie down and cry.

and worst of all.

he doesnt care.

what if sams wrong?

what if he doesn't call?

what would i do then?

he was right.

i am alone without him.

no matter how many friends i have,

no matter how many people love me,

i will always be alone without him.

so you want everything back to normal?

then why did you change it?

you say i changed.

no,

you changed me.

i say you're shallow.

no,

i am.

you take me out when i put you back?

yes.

i wasn't the one who was trying so hard to be friends anyway.

no. we're not bestfriends.

because everyone can see your top even i it's not on your profile.

when i moved you i moved you down.

not off.

when you said we were friends again i moved you back.

well.

you didn't.

apparently lots of things have changed.

i didn't bring people into this.

they did.

because maybe they care.

i feel alone.

i feel lost.

i feel like a sucky friend.

even if everyone says you're the bad friend.

i can't help but feel like this is all my fault.

like i'm to blame for all of this.

you say we're like one person.

so when you blame me are you blaming yourself?

i'm not sure.

i want everything to go back to the way it was.

when we did everything together.

whenever i went somewhere you did.

whenever you did anything,

i did.

there was truth in that.

i thought everything would go back to normal.

but theres something missing.

you don't trust me.

you think i'm two-faced.

i'm crumbling.

would i die without you?

i know by now that i'd cry without you.

but is it worth it?

i get so confused.

all of these things i once ignored.

they're bothering me now.

i never once questioned this friendship.

even now,

after the apologies.

things have been said that i can't ignore.

things have been heard that i can't forget.

i'm really hurt.

how could you say those things?

even now,

after i've said ive forgivin you.

what is wrong with me?

why am i questioning this now?

why now?

have i changed?

am i two faced?

so many questions that don't have an answer.

i had fun with sam and caroline and trevor and tom saturday(:

+alana and blake and tori friday.

watch this. thanks(: