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Friday, December 19, 2008

snow day!


School is canceled for today, they told us over the loud speaker after the Science Exam was done. It wasn't too hard, we had been studying all morning since we didn't have to do anything for period 5. It was Alana Davis's birthday today, super fun and amazing, there was cake and tons of balloons. Due to staying up really late finishing my essays for Science (the ones that I almost didn't turn in because I couldn't figure out how to print them at the school library) and social networking sites (damn it they're so addictive). I wish we got to use the first half of the day as free time all the time, that would be very nice, but alas no. When we go back on January 5th we have exams and a normal schedule. I got iced coffee this morning instead of taking the bus (iced coffee=more important) I got a large and downed it in under 20 minutes. Hazelnut iced coffee is by far the best drink I've ever had in my life. I have it a lot. Love that stuff. I slept a little on top of my science notes this morning, but that's all cool since I've only gotten 3hrs of sleep. Alana Richelle came down while we were talking about "uncle charlie" and got a cookie to eat. Poor Alana Richelle, she hadn't had anything to eat all day and she was stuck sitting in History being hungry. She had her cookie and went back upstairs. We continued on about "uncle charlie," who is inevitably our "uncle," invented by Frenche and me with the help of my science notes and Frenche's (no, was it Mariana's?) Science textbook. Our uncle Charlie was gay when he lived in NE, but then the pressure got to him and he had to move down to Florida, where the temperature is hotter. He got fat because he did not exercise well in the heat. He then went straight because no gay guys like fat guys. And now Uncle Charlie is proportionate to Frenche's aunt. I was thinking about that during the exam, it was helpful, but I really wanted to laugh. After the exam when the canceling of school today was announced there was much rejoicing and many hugs exchanged. Possibly the best school day I've ever had at Bay View, even with the science exam. I went to get on the bus and I was really frustrated because the day before "Dona" the bus driver told me that the bus left at 1:40, so I went out to get on the bus at 1:35 and the Providence bus had already left. I had decided I was going to have a talk with her about lying, and I did. I called her a liar and she called me irresponsible, so I called her a bitch and she told me to pay more attention. I'm happy she knows where I stand on that issue. I got off at my bus stop and walked home, I got on aim and I video chatted with Alana Davis, Mariana, and Frenche. Then Marco signed on and we made plans to go to the mall, which we did. I took the bus, and luckily there were not so many creepy looking people this time. I got to the mall just in time to talk to Tatyana before she left. I miss that girl, I never get to see her anymore! I saw Katelyn too, I like her. All of Taty's friends are super fly. Marco came right after Taty left, and we went to Victoria's Secret (with a stop at the ebar along the way so he could get Chai and I could get yet another hazelnut iced coffee) so he could buy Katie a gift card. We went to Bath and Body Works after so he could find something else for Gabby. I need to do my Xmas shopping really soon. I haven't even started and Marco is all done! Then we were going to Boarders when we got pleasantly stopped by Stav, the lady that works at the Amika booth in the mall who asked me if I wanted to get my hair curled. I said "sure," and now my hair looks simply amazing. Marco, Stav, and I agree that I need one of the Amika Styling Tools for Christmas. We read books in Boarders for over and hour I think, Marco read a book about a guy who just got out of jail for substance abuse, liked porn, drank himself silly, and had a brother that wore girls skinny jeans. It sounded really good and what I read of it I liked, but I was not so fortunate. I decided to try "Chosen," which was so bad a started reading "TTYL," a book I've never had an interest in reading, and never will. They were both really bad. We both like books with sad endings and agree that Harry should have died at the end of his series. Finally someone who agrees with me. We called Tracy from the Boarders phone after unsuccessfully trying to use a pay phone. Tracy picked us up and dropped Marco off at home. We got home and I went on the computer and took pictures of myself, aimed Mariana, ate cookies, and checked my facebook numerous times. I made a video as well, but it's not very good. I should get to sleep now. Tracy is supposed to be waking up at 5:30, which is only an hour away.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

uneasy whisperings of a broken soul


overwrought with a stressful feeling,
working its way into my hole being.
i need to study,
but for something more important than mere exams.
when i broke i was sure of one thing,
i trusted them,
and i tried not to cling.
who are they?
i now ask myself as i needlessly worry about the past and the future.
the present seems to be breaking the speed limit of my mind,
leaving me far behind to try to unscramble what embraces the deep caverns of my conflicting thoughts and past actions,
trying to plan for a future that has already happened,
forever dwelling on reactions i have seen,
feelings i have felt,
my whole world continuing with out pause to harden from its recent melt,
keeping past insecurities deep inside secret holes that fester up at the slightest hint of an undecided summoning from the people that i love the most.
the usual pleasures turning into a safety measure,
missing the activities that were once enjoyable,
watching them to turn into everything else,
just horrible.
things that once calmed only stir,
things that once were loved now revered as a symbol of loss,
all changing to fast to notice until i go to step on a floor that was once there,
only to find that it has disappeared.
needing them to help me discover the past and put together the future
all the while worrying about them,
wondering if they need me to lend a hand.

Owl City.,!

I'm listening to them him right now as I write my history essay.
Finally. It's about time I get to it.
It's actually starting to interest me,
Cortéz was a bitch-whole.
So were a bunch of other big crap-heads who killed people for gold in the 1500s.
Like the pilgrims.
I've always hated them.
They stole food and tons of other shit and some how we like worship them one day a year?
They fucking killed tons of Native Americans just with their germs.
Then they went all war on them when they wouldn't give up their land. It pisses me off.
They should all go die in a hole.
They probably are,
dead in a hole.
Well then I hope no one finds them, because they were really asses.
I love it when I actually learn things that are of no great importance in real life but greatly entertain me anyway.
That makes them of great importance in my life.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Exam Drama

I wish I felt as happy as that dog. He looks so peaceful and happy, like he has no worries or problems, I miss that. I want that back.
I feel like everyone should be mad at me, even though not everyone is. I keep thinking I should be mad at people, and I am, for about a 1/2hr. but that's nothing, and I don't know how to decode everything that's going on. There's so much drama, everywhere. It's all around me. It frightens me. I don't understand some people right now, but I kind of miss them. But not enough to want them back right now. I can't really emotionally handle all of this right now. It will be good for me to get a break and go to California for a while. I just need to breathe and think things over. Everyone is all divided at school and I just don't know what to do. I know what I think is right, but I understand what other people are thinking like Steph. I just don't know. I feel like they should all be mad at me and it's making me panic. I feel like everyone is going to turn on me at the same moment and I'm going to be left with no friends. My worst fear is loosing the people I love the most. I couldn't stand that. I would die. I would be dead without them. If they hated me I would still love them. It's all so troubling. I'm working on putting the pieces of myself back together, and they've helped. School is just killing me right now. Like I know who I believe is right, but I feel bad for the people I think are wrong at the same time. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I feel like I'm going to and it's scary. I want to skip exams tomorrow. I feel sick. I'm nervous. I feel like people are mad at me because of the tiniest things. It all makes no sense and I'm trying to stop it but it feels like I can't. I just need to figure everything out.

Colette is sosmart!

Monday, December 15, 2008

It thought this was interesting

Look at the 1st girl and 1st guy on ur “top”​ then fill this out; don’t​ chang​e it.

——–HE​R———

1) Who is she?
Tatyana L
2) Do you trust​ her?
Yes!

3) When’​s the last time you talke​d to her?
earlier today[=

4) does she have a boyfr​iend?​​​​​​​​​​​
Nope.​


5) Is she one of your frien​ds?​​​​​​​​​
ofcourse!


6) Is she older​ than you?
yes,.



7) Are you relat​ed to her?
no.

8) Would​ you do anyth​ing for her?
yes.



——–HI​M———

1)​​Who is he?
MarcoL



2) When’​s the last time you talke​d to him?
5 minutes ago

3) Do you know his middl​e name?​​​​​​​
nicola


4) Does he have a girlf​riend​?​​​​​​​​​​​
i don't think sooo

5) Is he one of your frien​ds?​​​​​​​​​​​
ofcourse!

6)​​​​​Where​ does he live?​​​​​​​​​​​
Providence, i won't give out the address[=

7)Is he older​ than you?
yes, 7 months[=

8) Would​ you do anyth​ing for him?
haha, yesss...
but sometimes i can't tell whether he's joking er not... so like,
yea its still yes


9) Do you have a nickn​ame for him?
lol, no

10) How long have you known​ him?
since we were 6




mkay. yea. we're pretty chill[= i love those chick-a-dees. i miss them too.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Taking A Page From Dr. Pham's Book

me going all "dr.phessy" on Steph:


coffees4closers: right now
coffees4closers: its almost like
coffees4closers: sides
coffees4closers: like
coffees4closers: either you hate her or you love her
coffees4closers: me and diondras and abbeys side or caroline and alanas
coffees4closers: im not asking you to chose
coffees4closers: but
coffees4closers: you just have to know that

ms1rian0: i dont believe in taking sides.
c0ffees4cl0sers: we're not the best of friends
coffees4closers: i know
coffees4closers: me neither
coffees4closers: but
ms1rian0: i know ur not
coffees4closers: yeah
coffees4closers: errightty so i should go

ms1rian0: wait
ms1rian0: im in the middle of something chill
ms1rian0: poetic
ms1rian0: lol
ms1rian0: i think that everyone has to learn to forgive even if you cant forget. even if you don't like her that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a second chance. there is no such thing as sides until someone creates them. by saying there are sides you are making them. ily but thats a mistake that could loose friends for anyone, wheather its you, alana, abbey, or caroline. abbey's already lost a friend bc of her unwillingness to forget and accept. alana forgave me for being a depressing emo bitch. i forgave caroline for being mean to marco. hopefully you forgave me for not worrying about you as much as i should. but you can't hold grudges. it makes you loose the people you love. you never notice who you love the most until they're almost out of your life. you can change the fact that you're close to loosing someone. but you dont have to be that close. dont let yourself loose friends just because of old events. youre not going to loose me or diondra i know, but you might loose other people that mean alot to you. even if you're not sorry apoligize. even if your not ready, forgive. even if you don't care, make yourself care. friends are not worth loosing. sometimes you can't get them back. don't wait for them. take the first step, your friends are your responsibility, so you have to bring yourself to do something about loosing them, because one day you might not be able to live without them.
ms1rian0: its always your choice on wheather or not you loose a friend.
ms1rian0: mkay
ms1rian0: im done being all analytical now

so listen,
my life may be an open book,
but I don't know about Steph,
so give her a break and don't bother anyone but me about this ok?
Or don't bother anyone at all.
I'm not mad at anyone.
Just so everyone knows.
I didn't edit.

It's really late... or early?

GOODMORNINGGG/NIGHTTTTTT!!!!





yea... i need some sleep[=