insecurity.

it even gets to me here. even worse because i can't see them. all of the questions running through my head,
"would i be invited if i was at home?"
"will thins be the same when i get back?"
"do they miss me or are they just saying that?"
"when they don't reply are they mad or not home?"
each question longer than the next, i thought i was getting over all of my insecurities and self doubt. i was wrong and without those people it's slowly eating me up. Everything is confusing me. Even the television blaring in front of me is perplexing and terrifying for a reason i can't explain. i never want to leave but i need to get back.
"what if i come back and i'm not as good a friend as i was before?"
it's horrible being insecure. but even worse knowing it and not being able to stop it.