I wish I felt as happy as that dog. He looks so peaceful and happy, like he has no worries or problems, I miss that. I want that back.
I feel like everyone should be mad at me, even though not everyone is. I keep thinking I should be mad at people, and I am, for about a 1/2hr. but that's nothing, and I don't know how to decode everything that's going on. There's so much drama, everywhere. It's all around me. It frightens me. I don't understand some people right now, but I kind of miss them. But not enough to want them back right now. I can't really emotionally handle all of this right now. It will be good for me to get a break and go to California for a while. I just need to breathe and think things over. Everyone is all divided at school and I just don't know what to do. I know what I think is right, but I understand what other people are thinking like Steph. I just don't know. I feel like they should all be mad at me and it's making me panic. I feel like everyone is going to turn on me at the same moment and I'm going to be left with no friends. My worst fear is loosing the people I love the most. I couldn't stand that. I would die. I would be dead without them. If they hated me I would still love them. It's all so troubling. I'm working on putting the pieces of myself back together, and they've helped. School is just killing me right now. Like I know who I believe is right, but I feel bad for the people I think are wrong at the same time. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I feel like I'm going to and it's scary. I want to skip exams tomorrow. I feel sick. I'm nervous. I feel like people are mad at me because of the tiniest things. It all makes no sense and I'm trying to stop it but it feels like I can't. I just need to figure everything out.
